I am not depressed
by neuro diver
Everything was so much more defined then .
Moments razor-sharp , focused and separate and shining . Dense . Measured by the colourful abundance contained within a millisecond.
Vivid, they stood alone , each a star by its own right , a spectrum of every conceivable emotion , haughty and flamboyant and incorrigible , every moment : a lifetime
Not like now…
A jumbled mess now ..
A blurred blob of haziness now
of fleeting emotions .
Shadows of thoughts . diluted . Compressed and grey . calling past glories in a never-ending cycle of sour nostalgia-
bitter nostalgia- dull and prickly
and then the loneliness kicks in
And I recall I was never alone then.
Forever surrounded by kindred confreres
sharing the earthly journeys
The deepest of companionships , fickle and flimsy , yet true-
unspoken and undistorted by the misrepresentation of speech
adventure beckoned and like brave warriors we followed ,
a game of tag the ultimate epic battle
Television ? a mere shadow in the face of the magnificence of our collective imagination
but slowly it dimmed down (as the screens became brighter)
slowly, the ties broke ( as the gaps became wider)
slowly, the epic battle became a game of pretend ,
and slowly, the game came to an end
Their names buried deep within the wrinkles
and Death , easing eraser of the unforgotten
By my window , alone , I sit .
This grey world belongs to the new .
I grasp at the fine filaments of fleeting joy passing before my unseeing eyes , lost to everything that’s been , to aborted moments , to the faces of my fallen peers , blurring and diminishing as my spirit , and I close my eyes and I diminish,