Autistic people are people too , you know

by neuro diver

A woman attempted to kill herself and her autistic daughter a few days ago.

A large number of people do not want to judge her because they claim they weren’t in her position , they cannot fathom the hardships she must have gone through having to raise an autistic person, excusing this horrific act by justifying that she had reached her breaking point .

Well you know what?


Even in my grey nietzschean subscription to morality, I can find NOTHING that would paint this woman as anything but a murderer. It sickens me that some people would try to find excuses for her horrific behavior, rendering her the victim and completely bypassing the REAL victim, her daughter Issy Stapleton , a 14 year old girl who depended on her mother and trusted her to take care of her, to keep her safe. But her mother tried to kill her! I cannot even begin to comprehend all the pain she must have felt , that she will live with knowing her own mother tried to kill her. This isn’t something someone gets over. And whats worse? Her future behavior is probably going to be blamed on autism rather than the horrific ordeal that her mother put her through.

And people are excusing this .

People are justifying this heinous act and feeling bad for the mother , refusing to form judgement and urging others to walk in her shoes as they find sympathy within themselves for someone who had an autistic for a daughter, blaming autism for the mother’s mental condition , and perpetuating the notion that children with autism are a burden to their families.

You know what a parent is ?

A parent is someone who realizes that having children is not about them, but about the children. It’s not about what you expect the child to be like , who you want them to be, but who they really are, and accepting them nonetheless , even if it means shattering the self indulgent bubble of expectation you have built in your mind . BECAUSE IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. Parenthood is a bigger contract than marriage, for better or worse, in sickness and health multiplied by a million. No matter how much the child differs from the idealized image you have of them.

What , your kid didn’t say his first words as expected ? hadn’t reached a few of  the milestones that you had prepared your camera to capture ? behaves in an unexpected manner ?  should you be disappointed and sad just because you didn’t get what you wanted ? post the shortcomings on a blog for all the world to see and feel sorry for you ? sympathize that you had your hopes shattered  ? yea, that’s really going to help the child have a healthy self image .

Instead of trying to change the children ,  change your own expectations and ideas , that’s where the problem comes from . Not from autism , homosexuality ,  or any difference in development and behavior.

I wonder what the public consensus would be if the girl wasn’t autistic.

Noone would dare defend the mother if that were the case , not even a whisper of attempting to walk in her shoes . The only judgement would be that she is a sick sick woman who clearly needed the therapy that she sought for her daughter . Noone would blame the girl for causing the mother’s mental illness and subsequent actions, as a large number of people are doing now by saying they can understand how the mother could reach that point.

Did anyone defend the woman who drowned her 5 children ? did anyone sympathize with her or other murderers ? excused their actions by claiming that the stress got to them ? they had reached their breaking point ?  the system failed them ?

No . Noone thought it was the children’s fault that she drowned them , or the system’s fault  , or poverty’s fault that someone decided to rob and kill . Everyone blamed the murderers for their actions, held them responsible. In the case of the mother drowning her children, the mother’s mental condition was blamed deservingly and she was held accountable for her actions , NOT her children . And yet in this similar case, the first culprit found is autism . The autistic girl by the mere act of being autistic , is automatically blamed for supposedly causing the mother to break down and attempt to murder her.

How is that fair?

How is that moral?

How can someone who tried to kill someone else not be judged as a murderer?

Every person who has victimized the mother or excused her actions is someone who believes that autistic peoples’ lives are less valuable than the lives of others .

Every person who sympathized with the mother is saying to Issy that just for being herself, she made her mother try to kill her , that it was her fault , deepening the cuts that the scars of this heinous act have caused with their resonating misplaced approval  .

I hope that she can find the strength and support to overcome this horrible tragedy and find some completion , self acceptance and peace when the whole world seems to be rooting against it.